To be the explanation...

Okay. So my family is crazy. Not just personality-wise but dynamic-wise. I'll start from the beginning for you. My mom met my bio dad somehow, somewhere. Along the way they had my older sister, Nicole. Then shortly after that my mom was preggers with me. Then shortly after that bio dad bounced and mom stayed in AK. Well....not long after bio dad bounced, Brian (who I would be calling dad from birth to the present time) came into the picture. What a trooper this man was. He didn't care that this woman had one child and another on the way. He stuck around anyway. He was so committed that when I was born, he would give me his middle name, Rae. Eventually they got hitched and had three more chicklets: Crystal, Ashley, and Shawn, respectively. I remember sledding, spending entire weekends (and perhaps even weeks) at Big Lake, cartoons on Saturday morning, homemade cakes, all the normal memories of people born in the 80's. Somewhere around my double digits though my parents called it quits. Who knows why or how and I'm perfectly content at NOT hearing the blame stories and the he said she said. We were still a strong unit though. Nicole and I were still invited to the Christmases, Easters, birthdays, etc and we still went. I even remember when my dad started to date again. It was weird but we handled it ok. We were even around when he started dating my soon to be stepmom. Not long after though, Nicole and I were slowly not invited to things or rather never went. I began to build a deep resentment towards my new stepmom, and actually, was it even ok to call her that? Instead of being introduced as "the kids" there was a long explanation about who came from where and it was definitely made sure to say that these were "Wendy's kids, Brian's ex-wife" or "Brian's ex-wife's kids." Nicole and I were excited to introduce our new brother, Gehrig. We have always done so without the need to explain. There is no need when it's family. FAMILY.

To be somewhat fair I can add that the fingers were pointed at both sides to blame so I don't think I will ever truly know the truth. I do know that I felt like a part of a family unit, then pushed away, then something completely apart from what I had known my whole life. If I am nothing, if I am "Brian's ex-wife's kid", why the middle name? Did it mean nothing? I felt like a single leaf in the dead middle of winter floating in a wind storm. Of course, I have always had mom...and essentially dad. I think he did the best that a man can do. We all know how men are, need I say more?

I also might add that when Nicole and I got older, the bond with our stepmom had begun to be mended. We began to rebuild what we once had with our dad. Our view of our dad never wavered. He was still the one we looked up to, the one we compared our other halves to, the one who our children would call Grandpa.

I know that what happened the last 18 years or so is a bond that can never be broken. I don't know what my parents did to make our family so strong even when we were so far apart at one point, but they did. We have been described many things depending on which side of the "family fence" you are on. We are extremely loyal yet rebellious. We are accepting yet we will reject you if you cross a member. We are loving and embraceful yet can be harsh.

I had this conversation with my little sister, Crystal, tonight and she explained to me that when she hears people "explaining" Nicole and I, she butts in and simply says, "they're my sisters." That is what we are about. We have each other's back no matter what. We fight and can be hurtful at times but when we need each other, the bond will never be broken. I rarely see the connection that we have in other families and I only hope that our children will be given that same gift, the gift of family. Family with no explanations.

Where Is My Sanity?

As I go through my day to day tasks I am busy from the moment I wake up to the moment I go to sleep. The problem is, is I don't know what I would do if I wasn't busy. Not only am I mommy to a terrific and terrible at the same time two year old, but I am a wife and teacher as well. And not only am I a teacher, I am a super teacher, or lost-her-sanity teacher. I share the sponsorship of the Student Council, I do the Science Fair, I do morning tutoring, I am co-sponsor of the Talent Show and the 5th/6th grade dance, oh, and I teach. Ha! As crazy as it all seems, my sanity is in all of these projects. I am at my best when I am busy as a bee. I haven't lost my sanity. My sanity would be lost if I wasn't doing anything. This life of mine, this CRAZY life, keeps me sane. So when you find yourself needing, what we call in my classroom, "a moment", come spend some time with me, in my classroom, maybe you'll regain your sanity. ;)

You don't know what you have 'til it's gone?! GOODBYE!

As I share with people the fact that I just had a breast reduction, the answer I get frommost women is, "You should give some of that to me." However, I do come across the occasional sane woman who has either had the same "problem" or know somebody who has.

You'll have to know that my sister Ashley stayed the night a few nights ago and we went downstairs to my room so I could get dressed. I was going through my closet when I came across that section. You know, the section of I'm keeping these because I WILL fit back into these one day section. I grabbed a pink silky cami with spaghetti straps. I stared at it for a moment, started to peel it off the hanger, and proceeded to daringly put it on. I was scared. I was nervous. Before when I would put this shirt on the lace triangles that are supposed to accentuate the breast area would accentuate my chest....the part above my boob...and even above my nipple. It looked ridiculous, hideous, absurd. So to the back of the closet it went for that "one day". Today was that day. As I pulled it over my head and grabbed the cami to pull it down, I looked and it accentuated my breasts! The lace triangles actually went around my boob the way it was intended. This was BIG...no HUGE!

I recently went shopping at a local retailer for some dresses for my daughter. I walked by the women's clothing section peering at the cute spring tops that I could never even imagine fitting into. You see, with the size of my breasts, I was forced to shop in the plus size area. I felt embarrassed and really despised the idea of shopping altogether. When you have siblings that can still shop in the junior section and you have to shop in the plus size section, shopping is a nightmare and you would rather be holed up in an outhouse with the flu. Nonetheless, after I filled my basket with my 2-year-olds new infatuation with "pretty dresses", I ventured to the world I have learned to avoid for sake of my ego: the JUNIORS SECTION!

I perused the area and saw so many cute tops. In my mind I thought What the hell am I doing in this section and are people looking at me wondering the same thing. I picked up a cute Candies spring top. I went with the large because my boobs are still a great size and I have a little to lose in the abdomen area ( I won't lie). I proceeded to the checkout line and made myself aware of the return policy "just in case" I couldn't fit.

I got home, showed my husband my new purchases of pretty dresses for our daughter and my daring purchase of this Candies top. I immediately started to strip so I could try this thing on. I pulled it over my head, stuck my arms though, and pulled it down. It fit. My husband said I looked amazing. I was near tears. You see, unless you have been in my shoes of shopping in the plus size section for about 8 years just because of boobs, you cannot imagine the feeling of relief, satisfaction, pure and utter bliss.

I imagine that this new chapter of my life holds great things. I imagine me running virtually pain free. I imagine wearing cute tops both for pleasure and working out. I imagine being able to play with my daughter without wondering of my back is going to go out....again. I imagine being able to teach to my hearts content, without having to sit because it hurts to stand too long. I imagine bathing suit tops. I imagine being seen for me and not the protruding mountains that I feel helped define me.

My sisters say I portray confidence that I used to have that has been in hiding for years. I feel like a new woman. I feel amazing and beautiful. I feel like I can conquer the world.

Men Are From Mars, Women From Venus, Obviously.

You hear sayings all the time about the difference between men and women. One example would be, "Men are from Mars, women are from Venus". I don't think the two species (yes, I said that) will ever be able to fully understand one another and I firmly believe that we are wired that way. We can compliment each other, and maybe that's where the saying "opposites attract" comes in, who knows, but understand and fully comprehend each other? Yeah right. I always thought that it was something to do with men. As they get older they just don't care and perhaps they like to bicker simply for the result...make-up sex (yes, I said that too).

Until today.

You see, we have been studying nature as a friend and as an enemy. We have talked for weeks about this topic and have done coinciding projects and assignments to go with it. As a final assignment, I told the kiddos that they would make two posters: one representing nature as a friend, and another representing nature as a foe (enemy). They could use any art medium they chose, which also adds to the fun. There were rules. They wouldn't need to put FRIEND or FOE on the poster because I should be able to tell and I didn't want to see anything man-made; This would include houses, cars, humans, etc. They had to make a poster depicting nature with ONLY nature in them.

Simple. Right?

A certain young man walks up to me and says, "I know I need to color this still but what do you think so far?" My response? "Wow, that is an amazing drawing and you are really good at drawing people but remember the simple rules?" "Yes, Mrs. Welch. Dang it."

So as he walked away to place his drawing in the recycling bin (I know it's a sad story), I remind the class of the (basically one) instructions. Can somebody explain to me why all but 2 boys (and NO girls) sighed, got up, and trotted towards the recycling bins? I was amazed. I actually chuckled a little bit, Really? I mean, really?

It's clear to me now that men are hard-wired to um, how do I say this, not listen.

It's ok though because I learned something as a teacher today. I need to make sure that I make my students (ah-hem) repeat even the simplest of directions.

Because, as you can see, I am from Venus, and they from Mars, and we are clearly speaking two different languages.

To Run...

So as i woke up from a 3 hour nap with my daughter and my husband, I was truly thinking of a lazy Sunday and just laying around. Then I remembered that I was to begin training today. Ugh. It's cloudy, a bit cold, and who was I going to run with? David had sprained his ankle during softball on Saturday. Well, good thing I have a cheerleader or two under my roof. David encouraged me to go so I dug through the laundry piled on the guest bed searching for anything that could be remotely comfortable while running for 30 minutes. By the way, I had vowed to never be that person, the clean laundry piled on the bed person. Oh well.

So I trudge out to the car to get my running shoes on and I take a deep breath and I think about the cancer patients that I met on Saturday. Who am I kidding? The thousands of people that have cancer and are unable to go out for a run on a brisk Sunday would give anything to be in my shoes. I quickly shake off the image as to ward off tears and make my way walking fast to the end of the street for my warm up. I set my timer for 15 minutes and I set out jogging.

I took pictures along the way and imagined my send-off party that I would throw myself. I thought about the children that I read about online and the adults I met at REI on Saturday and felt myself welling with tears again. All of these thoughts basically made it easier to go the distance and to keep pushing. Thank goodness Drowning Pool came on the IPod basically telling me to get my butt in gear and to just do it. No excuses.

It took some mental coaching to run the entire time but I did it. I ran 2 miles in 30 minutes. A pathetic 15 minute mile. However, after looking at my pacing card, this was the first time that I realized and KNEW that I could do this and I will.