Okay. So my family is crazy. Not just personality-wise but dynamic-wise. I'll start from the beginning for you. My mom met my bio dad somehow, somewhere. Along the way they had my older sister, Nicole. Then shortly after that my mom was preggers with me. Then shortly after that bio dad bounced and mom stayed in AK. Well....not long after bio dad bounced, Brian (who I would be calling dad from birth to the present time) came into the picture. What a trooper this man was. He didn't care that this woman had one child and another on the way. He stuck around anyway. He was so committed that when I was born, he would give me his middle name, Rae. Eventually they got hitched and had three more chicklets: Crystal, Ashley, and Shawn, respectively. I remember sledding, spending entire weekends (and perhaps even weeks) at Big Lake, cartoons on Saturday morning, homemade cakes, all the normal memories of people born in the 80's. Somewhere around my double digits though my parents called it quits. Who knows why or how and I'm perfectly content at NOT hearing the blame stories and the he said she said. We were still a strong unit though. Nicole and I were still invited to the Christmases, Easters, birthdays, etc and we still went. I even remember when my dad started to date again. It was weird but we handled it ok. We were even around when he started dating my soon to be stepmom. Not long after though, Nicole and I were slowly not invited to things or rather never went. I began to build a deep resentment towards my new stepmom, and actually, was it even ok to call her that? Instead of being introduced as "the kids" there was a long explanation about who came from where and it was definitely made sure to say that these were "Wendy's kids, Brian's ex-wife" or "Brian's ex-wife's kids." Nicole and I were excited to introduce our new brother, Gehrig. We have always done so without the need to explain. There is no need when it's family. FAMILY.
To be somewhat fair I can add that the fingers were pointed at both sides to blame so I don't think I will ever truly know the truth. I do know that I felt like a part of a family unit, then pushed away, then something completely apart from what I had known my whole life. If I am nothing, if I am "Brian's ex-wife's kid", why the middle name? Did it mean nothing? I felt like a single leaf in the dead middle of winter floating in a wind storm. Of course, I have always had mom...and essentially dad. I think he did the best that a man can do. We all know how men are, need I say more?
I also might add that when Nicole and I got older, the bond with our stepmom had begun to be mended. We began to rebuild what we once had with our dad. Our view of our dad never wavered. He was still the one we looked up to, the one we compared our other halves to, the one who our children would call Grandpa.
I know that what happened the last 18 years or so is a bond that can never be broken. I don't know what my parents did to make our family so strong even when we were so far apart at one point, but they did. We have been described many things depending on which side of the "family fence" you are on. We are extremely loyal yet rebellious. We are accepting yet we will reject you if you cross a member. We are loving and embraceful yet can be harsh.
I had this conversation with my little sister, Crystal, tonight and she explained to me that when she hears people "explaining" Nicole and I, she butts in and simply says, "they're my sisters." That is what we are about. We have each other's back no matter what. We fight and can be hurtful at times but when we need each other, the bond will never be broken. I rarely see the connection that we have in other families and I only hope that our children will be given that same gift, the gift of family. Family with no explanations.
